You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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