well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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