help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
