I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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