i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
