I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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