She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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