why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
