There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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