HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
