my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize