it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
