I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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