if only i could text you this smell
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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