and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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