On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
