Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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