I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
