tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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