why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
