Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
