also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
