My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
