this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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