My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
