Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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