the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
