she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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