try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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