I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
