very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
