i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
