my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
