OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
