if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
