I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
