I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
