i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
