If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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