just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
