my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
