Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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