Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
