she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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