we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize