I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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