I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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