Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
