ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
