ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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