I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
