Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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