Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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