I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
