I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
