I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
