Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
