another moral hangover. fuck.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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