im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
there was a trapeze. enough said
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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