He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Small penises have feelings too.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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