If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize