I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
