Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
