We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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