I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
