so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize