how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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