after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
