I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
