Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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