I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
