saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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