Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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