Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
