Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
