i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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